Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
