Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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