Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
