just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All the doctor said was why
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
