Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
