i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
