There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
