oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
