i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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