if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
