Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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