I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
