We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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