I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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