he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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