college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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