my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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