Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well you can't waste a boner
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
