My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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