My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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