If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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