She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
