Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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