Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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