I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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