I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She needs sedatives and a leash
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
