i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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