Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
