i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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