Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
