census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
