that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You are the jesus of drinking
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
