I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
too bad you live with your parents still
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
