I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My liver just had a heart attack.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
