So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
