ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
