My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize