My balls are so social today.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
