there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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