Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize