I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
