Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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