The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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