So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
