I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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