I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
