Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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