no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
