operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
