just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
