I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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