my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
