I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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