Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
