the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
