I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
