i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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