watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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