i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
