So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
