I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
