i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I deserve this hangover.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
