I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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