im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She bit a glass in half.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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