you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
