i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
