Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
