While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
